With the pop psychology of Malcolm Gladwell and the humor of Carrie Bradshaw, Romances & Practicalities combines a charming personal love story with research-backed self-help, including a set of 250 questions to help you foster deeper intimacy and get honest about what you’re really looking for in a partner.

A few months into Lindsay Jill Roth’s whirlwind transatlantic courtship with a handsome Englishman, he made a comment that hit her like a gut-punch: “I don’t know you well enough yet.” Despite hours on FaceTime and swoon-worthy dates in London and NYC, Roth realized he was right: they didn’t know each other very well. And their relationship, while certainly romantic, was hardly practical. Did they even have a shared vision for the future?

In the age of increasingly impersonal dating, how do you get off the dating hamster wheel and advance a relationship along the path to commitment? How do you know if you’re with “the one"?

Enter Romances & Practicalities, a set of 250 research-backed questions spread across twelve categories—from money to children to chores to sex—designed to help you identify your wants, needs, and non-negotiables, assess compatibility, initiate tricky conversations with grace, and build a deeper, stronger relationship. Questions range from seemingly light and casual to intimate and serious, including:

• How did your family communicate, share, and argue growing up?
• How are we different? Might our differences be a source of future conflict?
• How important to you is alone-time?
• How important is your career in terms of your identity?
• How do you feel about debt? Mortgages?
• If we were stuck on a desert island, what strengths would you bring to help us survive?

Roth weaves the questions with her own love story, provocative interviews with couples who’ve used the system, and practical guidance from a diverse range of clinical and popular experts including Lori Gottlieb, Nicole LePera, Mark Hyman, Emily Morse, Suze Orman, Nate Berkus, and Barbara Corcoran.

Roth’s wise and witty narrative explores the reasons we don’t often equate romance with practicality, and arrives at a surprising truth: healthy communication isn’t just vital, it’s sexy.