Kelly goes it solo again on this week’s episode of Single Mom Stories, as she discusses the immense guilt and shame that single parents feel, especially when they compare themselves to their fellow coupled peers.  This undeserved shame and guilt partially stem from the stigma surrounding single parenthood, but also a large portion stems from within.  Many single parents experience feelings of inadequacy out of fear that they’re being bad parents in the absence of their “other half,” and it’s certainly hard to dig oneself out of that negative mindset.  

That’s why Kelly goes on to talk about coping techniques to help single parents overcome unnecessary guilt and shame that they burden themselves with.  At the end of the day, we’re all just doing the best we can, and it’s important to remember that.  As a coach, Kelly likes to help her clients create positive mindsets and healthy thinking patterns.  So in this particular case, when worries about being a bad parent creep in, start focusing on neutral and eventually positive thoughts if possible.  Shifting oneself towards a neutral mindset, away from negativity that plagues the minds of single parents, isn’t always easy, but it’s most certainly worth it for the children’s sake and that of the parents. 

The Finer Details of This Episode:

• Undeserved shame and guilt surrounding single motherhood
• Single motherhood stigma
• Feelings of inadequacy
• Worries about being a bad parent
• Creating a positive mindset
• Using neutral thoughts to move through negativity

Quotes: 

“Motherhood in particular, as Brene Brown will tell you, is a big shame trigger for women; single motherhood even more so. And I've even noticed in having conversations with women around this single mom podcast, there's like an apology about the label.”

“I don't really want to call myself a single mom. And I think that so many of us don't want to wear that identity, because there's such a negative connotation, and it carries more shame.”

“So we need to get away from this feeling that we need to apologize to people who are still in relationships, and explain ourselves as though still being in relationships makes other people experts at something that we failed at.” 

“If we let definitions of good parenting or relationships impact us, we have expectations of ourselves that are not realistic.”

“When people ask me, ‘How do you do it? I just say, ‘You would be able to do it too.’ We figure it out. And is every day beautiful? No, definitely not. It's exhausting, and I'm in tears a lot. Nobody's going to lie about that. But we're all doing the best that we can in the circumstances we have.  And some days are amazing. And some days are just shit.”

Links:

Kelly Travis 

​​Kelly Travis on Instagram

Single Mom Stories Homepage

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